The Best 'No' I Ever Got

How a Scholarship Rejection became a redirection

15 year old me standing outside what I thought was the school of my dreams

15 year old me would not believe I am writing this today. She was hopeless, disappointed and full of shame. I was rejected from, what I thought would be, the first step to a life of success: A scholarship at a private school. At 15, I thought I had my whole life figured out! I would get a scholarship, go to private school, then Cambridge university to study economics and live a life of abundance. The issue was, I didn’t really know what abundance looked like besides tons of cash in the bank. So when I got rejected, when the first part of the plan didn’t take off, I lost hope for my future. This is the story of how my rejection became the best redirection.

My aspirations at 15

(Me attending an open day at said dream school)

For as long as I can remember I have been someone who likes to know their next move. By next move, I mean my next 10 moves. So when one fateful day, I attended a careers fair at a private school, I made the decision that this is where I am going to spend my college years. And when I made that decision, I put my money and actions where my mouth was. There was an opportunity to get a scholarship and I thought that was going to be my way in. There was an entrance exam that I needed to do, then get interviewed and a scholarship would be offered.

I worked so incredibly hard on all my subjects as well as other topics that I wasn’t even studying just in case it came up on the exam. I was waking up at 5am every morning to do stretches, meditation and study before school, then I would come home and study until the evening. I probably over did it, but I didn’t want to look back and wish I had done more. I chose the History and English entrance exam and there was also a mandatory critical thinking exam that I would practice almost every day - I felt so prepared. Even going into the exam I knew I did everything I could and I wasn’t even too stressed out during the exam. As I walked out of the exam room, I was confident that that scholarship was mine. I can’t stress how assured I was because in my young mind, if you want something and work hard enough for it, it has no choice but to come to you.

I spent that period of time documenting it all. I had a prayer journal where I would write down scriptures that justify why I should have this scholarship, as well as a to do list book where I would keep track of things I do daily to work towards my goal, and finally a diary where I would reflect on how I feel. That girl was the epitome of confidence. There wasn’t a single open day or event I missed at that private school - any opportunity to be there, I was there. I didn’t just work, I also visualised myself there. I spoke to students there, took a bunch of pictures, kept every type of souvenir and created a vision board. It was all I could think of for about a year.

All the souvenirs I had collected, my vision board and affirmations list.

The rejection

(My affirmations list)

Then the day came. The call. All who were proceeding to the next level would be called on the phone. So I stayed home from school. All my friends knew I was expecting this big call that would in my mind, essentially change the course of my life. I waited the whole day. Nothing. Not even a call to say I didn’t get it. So late in the evening, after spending the day sewing with my sister, I excused myself for a bit to the bathroom and just sat down. I didn’t even cry. I just sat and played the song “He’s Able'“ because a part of me thought that because my surname begins with an S, I would be at the bottom of the register so it would take a while for them to get to me. But they never did. My mum came upstairs and I cried like I never did before. Even as I write this, I remember the physical pain I felt in my chest and the knot in my throat - and the headache that came after.

It was my first heartbreak. It might sound dramatic but life at 15 is all about school - of course I had a life besides that too - but school is the only thing I was really working towards. I was a good student, sometimes great, this did not fit the reputation I had built for myself. From high achiever to reject. It stung so bad.

I didn’t know if I could trust God to help me again. I didn’t know if I could trust myself to want, to hope for anything. Looking back, it wasn’t even just about the school, it was that I saw what life statistics say I should have, and I wanted better for myself. This was the way I was going to “make it”. It was in November and I decided then that I was not going to college at all. If I’m not good enough for that one, I’m not good enough for any. In December, I woke up to my 16th birthday, as late as I possibly could to try and make the day pass as quickly as possible. I remember crying in the kitchen, there was a lot of other things on my mind and that tipped me off. I felt like a complete failure.

The redirection

For years, I couldn’t figure it out. Why did I not get this? Why did it not work out for me? Did I do something wrong? Did I not deserve this?

Today, I can confidently say that I deserved better.

That life is great for many, that path would have brought many people to their destination but it was never meant for me. I deserved a life where I was walking in purpose. Economics was never going to fuel me - I don’t even like maths! What was I thinking?! Like Khloe Kardashian said, if you want to make God laugh, show him your plans.

I was trying so hard not to be a statistic. If I had gone to that school, I would have still become a statistic, but just in another way. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with the path I wanted to go down - the issue was that it wasn’t meant for me at all. I now am on a fulfilling path where I get to live as an anomaly.

(Me today outside UAL, my current uni)

My life path since the redirection hasn’t been smooth sailing, but it’s been so worth it. I now study fashion journalism and content creation, but I am so much more than my degree. I once heard that purpose is not about what you do, but how you make others feel when you’re doing it. I’m still figuring it out, but I know I’m on the right path.

Also, the thing about purpose is, you can’t outrun it. Even if I did get into that school and do the whole economics at Cambridge thing, I still would have got to this point eventually. It might take longer, but I would get there nonetheless. My biggest advice is to not let a set back keep you stagnant. There is a difference between resting and stagnation. Rest is to collect yourself to continue on your journey, while stagnation is an unintentional break that can cause you to slowly decay into a shell of who you are meant to be.

Having people you trust around you at this challenging time is also very important. Fun fact, I didn’t look at any other college before applying to that scholarship, and I had no intention on looking at any after. I was really done with the eduction system. Then one day, my mum told me to dress up because her and I were going out for a surprise trip. I was so excited. I got in the car and she locked the door and started moving before she announced that we were actually going to a college open day. I didn’t talk to her for the whole journey. I was so mad that I had basically been hijacked or hoodwinked (not sure which is worse) to go to a college viewing. But long story short, I ended up loving the school and had the best two years there that I wouldn’t change for the world.

Going forward, I have learnt to not bet on things externally. Even with picking my uni, I was scared to hope too much for it because I didn’t want another heartbreak. But I was still crazy enough to only apply to London College of Fashion because for the first time in my life, I was betting on myself. I was trusting myself so I couldn’t go wrong regardless of the outcome. The rest is history. I am now two months away from finishing my academic journey and realising that life didn’t end when I got rejected. Life continued and gave me an opportunity to be redirected.