Rewriting your internal script
Unpacking how your self talk shapes your reality
What you feel is not who you are. Feelings are great, they are meant to be felt. Feelings are what bring experiences and moments to life; they create core memories and our islands of personality. However, what you feel is temporary. It is real, it is valid, but it is temporary. Therefore when you feel a certain emotion, it is important to not allow the effects dominate the narrative in your mind. Don’t talk down on yourself when you feel bad. I am learning this and these are some thoughts that have been replaying in my mind recently:
You felt it, but you don’t have to become it.
I watched an episode of the Colin and Samir podcast recently and something that stood out to me was how to view failures. Successful people will fail at something and will process it as data to inform their next steps. But most people will fail and view it as a diagnosis. They embody their failures.
Failures don’t make a failure
Just because you might experience a certain emotion such as failing, you need to remind your mind that it is no more than a feeling. The same way playing basketball doesn’t make you a basketball player…failing doesn’t make you a failure.
The difference between what you feel and who you are
Fear is one of those huge, overwhelming feelings that can dominate not just our thoughts, but also our actions. The language you use when feeling this is one way to overcome it.
For example, if I am about to deliver a speech or presentation in front of a big crowd, it’s not unnatural to experience fear in the lead up to that moment. However, I am training my mind to accept the emotion, but not let it control my actions simply by saying this phrase: I feel scared, but I am not scared.
Not to get all English student, but the words, “feel” and “am” are verbs. It is something you are doing actively. So I embrace that I feel (which is temporary) something but I am not that emotion. It is not me, it is temporary so it can be changed.
You can watch a reel I did about this specific point here
Don’t make permanent decisions based off temporary emotions
This is something that keeps my emotions in check.
One clear example, I had this black tube skirt that was my goto for pretty yet functional outfits. However, one day on my period when I was super bloated, I wore that skirt - big mistake. I convinced myself that that skirt wasn’t flattering on me so I threw it away. Now that I am no longer on my period or bloated, I am grieving the loss of that skirt (as dramatic as that sounds). To this day I haven’t found any skirt that comes close to it. I now have to pay the consequences of a permanent decision I made based off of temporary feelings.
How many times in your life have you thrown away your theoretical skirt.? How many opportunities have you passed up for your future because of how you felt today?
Maturing isn’t the lack of negative feelings, but the mastery of them
Maturing doesn’t mean you don’t get angry or sad or frustrated, it’s about what you do with those emotions. How you react. I’m not even talking about in relation to others - that needs another blog post and a therapist - I mean how you treat yourself.
Journaling is one of the great ways to process your emotions on the spot and control what you say to yourself. For example, you might be telling yourself that you are worthless and not capable in your mind, but it’s a lot harder to write that down and still believe it.
You don’t always need to have your diary with you, sometimes I just write a couple lines on my notes app about how I feel, but then I counteract it with who I actually am.
Your mind believes what you tell it. Besides monitoring my self talk, I also use music to influence my thought patterns. I could do a whole blog about my Spotify playlists that increase my self belief. For now, make sure to subscribe for more blog posts coming everyday!
